Redefining “Easy-Going”: How to Stop Tolerating Bad Behavior
I’ve been talking a lot online, with friends and family around how women can speak up and break away from the ideas that have been forced on us for so long around being passive, quiet, “Easy going” and a memory hit me like a ton of bricks.
A few years—okay, maybe more than a few, close to 20 years ago, I was in my early 20s on a weekend out with friends at a local bar when a guy approached me. The usual small talk started—banter about the music, the crowd, nothing too out of the ordinary.
But then, his true colors started showing. The charm? Gone. The humor? A thin veil over rudeness and entitlement. The conversation took a turn, and when I called him out for his behavior, his response was upsetting but not surprising sadly.
He said, "I thought you were easy-going because of how you looked."
And just like that, I realized: He wasn’t calling me easy-going at all. He was assuming I’d be a doormat.
So, I didn’t back down. I responded in the moment with power and truth:
"What does easy-going have to do with putting up with obnoxious behavior? Oh, you didn’t mean easy-going, you meant a doormat."
And that, my friends, is exactly what he was expecting. That’s what so many people, especially women, are expected to be—submissive, passive, agreeable. It’s what society teaches us: look nice, be sweet, and don’t rock the boat.
But here’s the truth bullies don’t actually know or understand: Being easy-going doesn’t mean we tolerate mistreatment. Being gracious doesn’t mean we endure disrespect. And most importantly, being kind doesn’t mean being a doormat for others’ poor behavior.
I’m sure many of you reading this have been in situations like that. Where your demeanor or appearance made people assume you’d tolerate more than you should. And maybe you’ve felt the pressure to let things slide, to smile and nod, to be “the good girl” because that’s what’s expected.
But here’s why we have to break free from this narrative:
It doesn’t serve us. All it does is let others walk over us, and it chips away at our confidence and sense of self-worth. We’re expected to be "easy-going" for the benefit of others—whether it’s in relationships, the workplace, or in public spaces. But what does that really cost us in the long run?
It rewards the wrong behavior. When we’re constantly deferential or passive, we’re teaching others that their bad behavior is okay. We’re silently accepting that they can treat us however they want because we won’t speak up.
It doesn’t help you rise. If you’re constantly putting yourself last, making yourself small to fit others’ expectations, you’re denying your own growth. True empowerment comes from knowing when to say "no," when to set boundaries, and when to stand your ground without guilt.
Here’s the thing: You are not a doormat. You are not someone who has to put up with obnoxious behavior.
You are a woman who deserves respect.
And that means standing up for yourself when someone crosses a line. It means owning your voice, even when it’s uncomfortable, and refusing to shrink just to make others feel comfortable.
If you’re ready to stop pretending that your kindness is a free pass for others to treat you poorly, I’m right there with you. It's time to stop hiding behind the idea that being "easy-going" means being walked all over. It’s time to redefine what being easy-going means: It’s about being at ease with yourself and your boundaries, not letting people take advantage of your generosity.
So, next time someone tries to push you around, don’t hesitate. Channel that inner strength, call it out, and don’t back down. Let them know: You are not a doormat, and you never will be.
This is your reminder that you can be kind, compassionate, and assertive all at once. You don’t have to choose between being a good person and protecting your peace.
In fact, standing up for yourself is the best thing you can do—for you and the people around you.
Did any part of this hit home for you? Drop it in the comments or DM me — I read every message.
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